Intro

Vanessa Vakharia 0:03

You can say, "you know what? It's a great question. I actually don't know. Let me look that up and get back to you tomorrow." That single sentence transforms the moment. You're not the all-knowing expert, you're a curious co-investigator. And you give your students permission to not know too. If they ask a question and we say, we don't have time for that, that's off topic, you're actually losing this very beautiful moment. Because they're engaged. They're asking you a question because they're engaged. And if we shut them down, yes, we're gonna get through our content, but we've lost them.

5 ways to turn anxiety into empowerment

Vanessa Vakharia 0:37

All right. It's me, Vanessa, and we are here for a solo ep of Math Therapy. Just me and you talking about what I hear the most from parents and teachers, which is what can we do in moments of anxiety? Like when math anxiety shows up for us and our students in our classroom or in our home, how can we flip those moments? And today I'm gonna share five strategies to turn those moments from anxiety to empowerment. Tell me if this sounds familiar. You know, you're like mid lesson or mid helping your kid with their homework. Everything's fine. You're in the zone. You have your plan, like you know what you're doing and suddenly. The kid in front of you solves a problem in like a totally different way than you expected, and you have no idea what they did. Or like they ask you something you don't actually know the answer to, or like your entire lesson plan goes completely off the rails and like, boom, your stomach drops, your brain starts spinning, and suddenly you're in full anxiety mode and you're like, I'm feeling anxious. Does this kid know that I'm feeling anxious? Are they feeling anxious? Like the whole thing goes off the rails, and I just want you guys to know. I've been there and these moments happen to every single teacher. They don't mean you're bad at your job, like they don't mean you've lost control. They mean you're a human. And that the people you're teaching are also human. And your brain and body are actually doing exactly what they're wired to do. They're trying to keep you safe and your students' brains and bodies are doing exactly what they're wired to do, which is trying to keep. Them safe. The thing is math, anxiety spikes up when uncertainty is present or when we suddenly feel like we've lost control. That's the truth for both us and our students. But here's the thing, guys. Control is an illusion. Certainty is a mirage. We don't have time to get into that right now, but like the, the truth is we can't control most things, and uncertainty is simply a fact of life. So like instead of constantly trying to trick ourselves into thinking that we have control and that we are certain. The best thing we can do is accept reality and lean into these moments. And honestly, guys, this has been my number one life hack, not just in math class, but in the rest of my life. It's the thing that has made the biggest difference to the way I approach life, the way I go after my dreams, the way I deal with disappointment, and quite frankly, to my mental health as a whole. The moments where things don't go exactly as planned are actually golden opportunities. You can flip them from anxiety to empowerment for yourself. And for the people around you, including your students. And once you understand what's actually happening inside you, in those moments, you get to choose a different response. So in this episode, I'm gonna walk you through five super common classroom moments that can trigger anxiety or math, trauma, explain what's actually happening in your brain and body, and share a practical math therapy flip you can use to turn that anxious moment into an empowering one.

1) trade control for curiosity

Vanessa Vakharia 3:18

Okay. So let's start with moment number one. When a student solves a problem differently than you expected. Here's what's happening in your body that's really interesting. Your amygdala, like your brain's little alarm system is basically like uhoh, unexpected thing. Possible threat, like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And if you grew up in a math world where there was only one right way to solve problems, this can unconsciously trigger old math, trauma. Like fears of losing control, of being wrong, of not being like the expert. Because we've been told forever that the teacher or the parent is supposed to be the expert in the room. When parents ask me, like When parents are like, oh my God, I hate this new way of teaching math. I don't know what my kids are doing in school. I can't help them with their math homework. That is the main feeling that comes up when I dig deeper. They feel guilty, they feel ashamed that they can't help because they're supposed to be the expert. And I always tell these parents like, you're not actually expected to be a math teacher. I get that you wanna help your kid with e everything, but that's what teachers are for. But the underlying feeling. Is that feeling of I'm supposed to be the expert and you can let go of that right here, right now. Physically what's happening is your heart might speed up. Your vision might narrow. Your brain instantly wants to bring the class back to your way or bring the student in front of you back to your way. Like we're like, oh my God, control, certainty, like bring it back, I need it to feel safe. But remember what I said earlier, the best thing we can do is lean into the fact that we can't control, like we can't control someone's reaction, right? Like we can control the way we teach a lesson or the way we go about a math concept, but the person in front of us is really guiding the lesson. It's about them. It's not about us. I remember, I was teaching, oh my God, I was teaching this grade seven kid, it was about ratios. And he would get some of them right? And he was, he was doing this, doing it in like what I would call a weird way. I was like, I don't understand how you're getting these answers. And I started understanding like instead of being like, no, just do it my way. Follow this formula. I asked him, I was like, what, can you just explain to me your thinking here? Like what are you doing? Like what exactly is happening? And as he started explaining it to me, I realized what was going on. He had developed this like way to. Create ratios to equate them to like work with them, but he had no understanding, zero understanding of what division was, none. And in that conversation, it was like the juiciest moment because I was like, oh my God, you're solving them in this way. And sometimes you're getting the right answer and sometimes you're not, but it's because you don't understand this underlying concept of division and it completely changed everything. So instead of me just being like, I want it to be like, look, I can just show you how to, you know, work with ratios. Like, I can show you this formula, I can show you this trick, whatever. But I was like, you know what? Instead I'm gonna lean into the discomfort I'm feeling that I have no clue what he's doing and ask him about it. And it ended up being the best lesson because we dealt with the underlying reason that he was using this methodology he had made up. And it led to him really understanding. You know. Earlier in my career as a teacher, I used to just be like, no, no, no, no. Do it my way. Like I have a better way. Don't worry about it. That was my always my go-to. Like I was like, I have the best way. But when I think about it, what I was actually saying was, do it my way because this is the way I understand. I was like centering myself as the main character instead of my student. Our students are the main characters. We're there to teach them, right? We're there to help them learn. So all that to say, here's what you do. How do you flip that moment from anxiety because you're feeling it into empowerment. I want you to just literally pause, take a breath. I know that's the most annoying thing people say, but really breathing helps, it puts us into a parasympathetic state, it literally does lower our heart rate. And here's the key. I want you to get curious. Instead of controlling, you're gonna go fully into curiosity. Here's the thing that happens. Curiosity actually interrupts the threat response. It takes us out of that fight or flight and gives us something else to focus on. You're teaching your brain: unexpected, doesn't mean unsafe. I can just get curious about this. So try something like, you can say something like: "whoa. That's really interesting. Can you just walk me through your thinking?" Remember, you're sitting there being like, I have no fucking clue what this kid is thinking right now. So just ask. It's actually huge. Now you're curious. Now you're wondering, you're not thinking I need to control this. You shift from being the gatekeeper to being a co-learner. You validate that students thinking publicly, especially if this happens in front of a class and suddenly you've modeled intellectual curiosity for the entire class. Remember, you're co-creating your lesson with your students. You might not want that to be the case, but it is. They're not just pressing play on like some YouTube video. You're a real person in front of them, and they're real people in front of you. And that's actually what leads to meaningful learning. That's why face-to-face teaching is so much more effective than just pressing play on a video and like sitting at your desk while students watch it. I want you guys to think about your default reaction when this happens. You know, when a student responds to something or answers a question or gives a solution in a way that you did not anticipate, think about what your default is and see next time if you can shift into curiosity and let go of control.

2) admit what you don't know

Vanessa Vakharia 8:25

Okay, let's move on to the second moment that often causes anxiety to spike in either us or our students. This one's like a spicy one. You're teaching, and suddenly a student asks you a question and you don't fucking know. You have no idea. Cue panic. Your brain perceives this as what we call social evaluative threat. It's like your status is on the line, right? Your inner critic lights up. "You should know this. You're the teacher, you're the parent." Again, that anxiety response kicks in. Your breath gets shallow, your chest tightens. Maybe you try to cover it up or like avoid the question. This often goes way back to our own math trauma, by the way, when not knowing meant you were a failure. Again, I want you to remember that is an old way of thinking. That is an old story. Not knowing and admitting you don't know is actually a sign of intelligence. I talked about this with Mike Flynn on our interview a couple weeks ago about how when we don't know something, it is this incredible opportunity for us. He was saying he's been teaching for like well over 30 years and he still has not come across a situation in which he has anticipated every single question or every single way a kid is gonna solve a problem. He says, in every lesson he teaches, in every classroom, he always learns something new. And this kind of goes back to my previous point that I was talking about, channel that curiosity, right. When you don't know something, instead of being like, oh my God, I'm a failure, I'm not the expert. This is a great moment to be like, I don't know, I'm curious. Let's figure it out together. So here's how you can flip this anxious moment into empowerment. Name it. Calmly, clearly, literally say to the student in front of you. "Great question. I actually don't know. Let's figure it out together." Or if like you don't have time to figure it out together or you're, you're really, your anxiety response is spiking and you're like, ah, I can't even think because that happens. You know, honestly, when our nervous systems are dysregulated, when we are in fight or flight, it's hard to learn anything. We know that for our students, and the same is true for ourselves. You can say, "you know what? It's a great question. I actually don't know. Let me look that up and get back to you tomorrow." That single sentence transforms the moment. You're not the all-knowing expert. You're a curious co-investigator and you, this is, this is the most beautiful thing about that, you give your students permission to not know too, which is such a gift because so much math, trauma and math anxiety is rooted in the fact that at one point in your life and in your students' lives, they didn't know and they got in trouble for it. They got punished. They got made fun of. They got bullied. They got told that they were less than they were made to feel like they weren't a quote unquote math person. We're here to change that story. You can flip the script right now by being like, I don't know either. And I'm a math teacher. Isn't that awesome? Because knowing math and being good at math and doing math isn't about knowing everything. It's about being curious and asking questions and seeking answers. I also remember I read this book on leadership a very long time ago. It's one you've definitely heard of that I can't remember right now, and it was talking about how vulnerability is the number one superpower for any leader. When you ask staff when they, you know, they would go to big corporations and ask their staff what made their leader a great leader. And the top response was always vulnerability. When a leader is able to model that they don't know, that they have their own, um, you know, perceived weaknesses, that they don't feel perfect, it softens the entire room. It allows staff, just like it allows your students to see you as relatable, to see you as less intimidating, to feel safer talking to you about their concerns. And you are a leader. You know, you're at the front of the room, or you're a parent leading a child like you really are a leader, and vulnerability is your superpower. It's not something to shy away from. And I think you'll be really surprised if this isn't something you do already. When you express that vulnerability to students, they soften. Literally, they feel that because every student feels vulnerable, every student feels like they don't know, like they feel like they're not the expert, they're intimidated. All of a sudden they change, they're gentle, they're kind, and they're there to hold your hand just as much as you're there to hold theirs. So I want you to ask yourself, what story did you inherit about not knowing in math? What is it? Did something happen? Were you given a certain message? Ask yourself if that story is really true, and let's rewrite that starting now with this flip.

3) follow that tangent

Vanessa Vakharia 12:50

All right, third moment. Oh my God, especially if you're a parent, that goes into being like, all right, tonight I'm helping my kids with fractions, I remember all my formulas, I know what I'm gonna do, like, flip and multiply when, what was it? What did, what did Mike Flynn say on his episode? Yours is not to reason why, just invert and multiply when you're, dividing fractions, you know you're ready and all of a sudden things go off the rails. Especially if you're a teacher, you're moving through your like carefully, beautifully crafted lesson plan, and suddenly time's running out, a student takes you on a tangent, tech fails, like whatever it is, everything's off the rails. Internally, what's happening is this is triggering a loss of perceived control. Like your stress hormones are rising, your heart's pounding. You're back in that anxiety response and layered on top of this. This is the worst part about this. Layered on top of it, is the external pressure, like that familiar saying. We've heard a million times, we have to get through. The curriculum testing is coming. I'm behind. Like everyone's behind, behind, behind. Like I feel like the word I am behind is like the saying of our time, like we're behind on everything and we're certainly behind on the curriculum and the content we're supposed to teach. Here's the empowerment flip. I need you to zoom out and to recenter. I know you hate me, but take a slow breath. I actually hate myself for saying it, but I have to remind you how important it's for real. It physiologically makes a difference and we can't think when we're dysregulated. Take that breath and remind yourself what actually matters in this lesson. That's the thing. What matters in this lesson. Is what matters. Just zooming through so you're not behind or is what matters, giving these students a positive math experience that they're gonna carry with them for the rest of their lives. After you do that, I want you to name the pivot for students out loud. "Team, we're going a little off road here, and that's okay. Here's what matters most right now." So let them take you on that tangent. You know, this makes me think of my interview with Eugenia Cheng because she talked about this, about how often we feel like, and I know this isn't many of us, but I know I grew up in this landscape, and I know so many of my students express that their teachers say this to them now, they'll ask a question and it'll be like, "we don't have time for this. That's not important right now." Eugenia Cheng says that the most important and relevant thing in your lesson. Is what is important and relevant right now to the student. If they ask a question and we say, we don't have time for that, this, that's off topic, you're actually losing this very beautiful moment. Because they're engaged. They're asking you a question because they're engaged. And if we shut them down, yes, we're gonna get through our content, but we've lost them. So saying something like, "all right guys, we're going a little off road, it's okay, here's what matters most right now." Allows you to answer their questions, to let them take you a bit off road and to see where that goes. And you know what else? I feel like those moments can actually end up in like, the most beautiful learning moments. Often a student asks a question that might seem like it's kind of off track, or like someone doesn't understand something, so you now have to re-explain something, and then it turns out half the class didn't understand that thing anyways, and you've actually saved yourself time by reteaching whatever that concept was to the entire class. It actually saves you time because now they can really engage with the content you're trying to teach when you teach it for real tomorrow because they've understood the prerequisite content. So I want you guys to ask yourselves, what if these off track moments are actually the most powerful? You know, next time this happens to you and you're in a lesson, I know it is completely anxiety inducing to feel all that pressure and to feel, again, it's that loss of control, uncertainty, you don't even know where this conversation is going now, but lean into it and see what comes out of it. You might be surprised.

4) co-regulate before you educate

Vanessa Vakharia 16:37

So we're gonna talk about anxiety inducing moment number four. And this is a big one. This is one that's so dear to my heart because this is what all my work is based on. When a student expresses frustration or shuts down. When a student expresses in one way or another, maybe not with words, but with actions and body language that they are experiencing anxiety around math. This can hit you like in the gut. You know, like a student is frustrated, there may be even shutting down. And what happens is your body actually reacts, and that happens because of co-regulation. Polyvagal theory tells us that humans literally pick up each other's nervous system states. So their frustration can trigger yours or mirror your own past struggles. If their chest is tightening, if they're in fight or flight, you wanna fix it right now. But your energy starts getting dysregulated. You might like, I'm actually curious. Next time you're in a moment like this, I want you to really pay attention to what your body is doing when the student in front of you is expressing anxiety. Here's how you flip that moment before it really derails both of you. "Co-regulate, before you educate." I want you to remember that phrase, honestly, co-regulate, before you educate. There is this myth that like if a student is anxious, all you've gotta do is really make them understand the math concept you're trying to teach. And like they'll feel better, I promise it will not work. Once a student is in an escalated state, once their nervous system is dysregulated, they cannot learn. Their amygdala is literally hijacked. The brain's resources are being diverted to keeping them safe. It, you know, you've probably heard the whole thing of like your brain is reacting like a saber tooth tiger is chasing you down the street when you're in an anxious state. But like it actually is. It actually is like, I know it's like so cliche. It is because our brains have not evolved that much. So when we get anxious about something, our brain goes into the exact same mode that it would if we were being chased by a saber tooth tiger. And if you were being chased by a tiger, I promise you, you would not even be able to like answer what seven times seven was. It would not enter your mind even if you knew it. So co-regulate before you educate. Drop your voice. Crouch down to a student's level. Remember, that's so important, I talked about that in my last solo episode. Crouch down, so you're meeting them eye to eye. Pull up a chair next to them and say something like, I can see this is frustrating, and I totally get it. I've been there. Number one, relate to them. Show them that they're not alone. Show them that you, yes, you, the expert in the room also has felt this way. And then you're gonna hate me, but you're gonna say, let's take a breath together. And you're gonna fucking breathe. And you're not gonna just be like, I want you to take a breath in for four seconds, hold it for four seconds, and breathe out for four seconds, and do that three times. It's called box breathing. It is one of the best things we can do to take our nervous system down. This anchors the emotional tone in the room instead of absorbing their panic. You're now together, they've got someone that understands them, their body is literally deescalating from the panic state it was in, and now you can move on. What's happening here is you're helping both of you shift from a sympathetic activated state into a calm, connected one by signaling safety. And here's the thing. Regulation has to come before cognition, because if a student is doing the mental equivalent of hyperventilating into a paper bag, they can't absorb any of the amazing content you're teaching them. They just can't do it. So I know sometimes it's like, oh my God, we don't have time to deal with this. But you're saving yourself time, you are. Because the time you spend teaching content to a student who can't absorb it, you're just gonna have to reteach it anyways. I want you guys to think of your own go-to co-regulation moves right now. Okay, so, or not right now. 'cause like we have one more thing left. But after the podcast is over, I really want you to think of like, what are the things that I'm gonna do to help a student co-regulate in a moment? If a student in front of me is anxious, what can I do? Think of your classroom. Think of your house. Like is there a cozy place you can go that's in your home that feels safe, is there a chair you can pull up in your classroom? Is there a little area at the back of the room where you can sit on the carpet? Like think of what your go-to move will go to and try it next time a student in front of you is exhibiting signs of math anxiety.

5) heal your own math trauma

Vanessa Vakharia 20:59

and finally the big one, the one we've all been waiting for without even knowing it. Anxiety inducing moment number five, when your own math trauma gets triggered. First of all, you're not alone. I can tell you right now that most teachers I've met, I'm saying most over 50% have math trauma. They've had a negative experience with math that has stuck with them. You know? And sometimes something happens in class, like a topic, a student reaction, even just a vibe, and suddenly you're right back in your own math class. As a kid feeling lost or humiliated, and that's because math trauma lives as stored emotional patterns. Like, your body reacts like the past is happening now. That's what happens when trauma gets triggered. Like your entire body goes back into the state it was in when the first incident happens. So maybe you go back to that state you were in when you were called out in class and you didn't know the answer, and your cheeks got all red and you completely froze and you couldn't figure out the answer and your teacher rolled their eyes and walked away. Ugh, like that, like even just saying that like I can feel that in my body, you know? It happens to all of us and it's gonna happen. Here's how you're gonna flip this moment to empowerment. You're gonna recognize it and internally name it. Like I want you to say to yourself, huh, I see you. I see what's happening here. This is one of those old math moments making its way into the present. And because, remember, your body is acting as though the past is happening right now. It's reacting as though that old trauma, traumatic event is happening currently. So your best bet is actually to show your body that it is here now, it is not stuck in the past. Polyvagal theory tells us that the information flow is 20% from mind to body and 80% from body to mind. What that means is our bodies will often go into an anxiety response before we rationally, cognitively even understand why. So if we can deescalate our bodies, if we can bring our nervous systems down and calm ourselves down, then that information also flows to the brain. The key here is embody. Get into your body before you get into your brain. Because once you're already in that response, once that trauma has been triggered, remember you're in a state of fight or flight. It's really hard when you're in a state of fight or flight to think rationally. To even be like, okay, here's exactly what's happening. I want you to know exactly what's happening, but first, you've got to ground your body, right? So here's what you're gonna do. Physically ground yourself by doing things like, touching the desk, stretching your legs, look around and name three physical objects you see in the room. Do a body scan, like literally be like, I can feel my toes. Wiggle your toes. I can feel my fingers. Wiggle your fingers. Bring yourself back into your present body and remind yourself I'm an adult now, I'm safe. This little act separates past from present and it gives you a choice about how to respond next. But first, you've gotta like really get yourself in the present moment. so I want you to think about your personal trigger topics. You might know them. You might be like, oh my God, it's every single time we do fractions. Or it's every time a kid asks me a question I don't know the answer to, or it's every time a student rolls their eyes and says, why are we even learning this? you know, maybe someone says like, you're the teacher, aren't you supposed to know the answers? Like, oh my God, that would stress me out. Like, think of what those trigger topics are in math class or when you're helping your kid with your homework and come up with a game plan. Be like, all right, when that happens, here are my grounding tools that I'm gonna use. Some of the things we listed before. You can be like, I'm going to in the moment, make the entire class take three deep breaths with me. I'm gonna in that moment to to tell the entire class to name four mathematical objects they can see around the room, like you can get the class to do it with you, so you're not just like all of a sudden closing your eyes in silence. Or you can be like, I'm going to tell everyone I need a minute and I'm going to do a body scan. Like whatever. Come up with a game plan now, and next time it happens, you'll be prepared.

Summary

Vanessa Vakharia 25:03

Okay. So guys, this week I want you to pick just one of these five moments and notice what happens in your mind and body the next time it shows up. So, when a student solves a problem differently than you expected, when you don't know the answer to something yourself, when the pacing or lesson plan goes completely off track, when a student expresses frustration or shuts down or exhibit signs of math anxiety, and when your own math trauma gets triggered. Pick one of those things. Try one of these strategies and see if things shift. Like you have to remember, the cool thing about all of this is neuroplasticity, right? Like we are retraining our brains how to respond to these moments, and it's not gonna happen overnight. You're still gonna be triggered by these things, right? Like the point is not to never feel anxious again. The point is not to erase math anxiety. The point here is to transform these moments into opportunities for connection, curiosity, and healing for us and for our students. So next time one of these moments shows up, notice what happens in your brain and body. Pause, name it. Try the empowerment flip, and then reflect even just mentally on what shifted when you responded differently. And celebrate that you're retraining your neural pathway so the next time that moment pops up, you'll be less anxious. Remember, these moments aren't failures. They happen to all of us. They're invitations for us to rewrite our math stories for ourselves and for our students. Guys, love you. This was so much fun. I hope this was useful. I wanna hear from you. If you found this helpful, share this episode. Share it with a colleague who's had one of these moments this week. Send it in your WhatsApp like math department group chat, 'cause I know someone in there has had one of these moments. Or send it to one of your students' parents or like your parent bestie. They need to hear it. And I need to hear from you. So text the podcast with your thoughts. The links in the show notes. DM me on Instagram at the Math guru. Email me at vanessa@themathguru.ca and I'll see you next week with another episode to help you heal math, trauma, build confidence, change math culture, talk about juicy, spicy stuff, break some math myth. Like, I don't know all the things that we love doing here at Math Therapy. This is weird. Now, I don't have a way to end this, and I can't say bye because I can't say bye to myself. I'm just looking at David. He's waving. Bye guys. Love you. You're the best. Go get em. That was weird.